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  • Parrot Filth

    So there's this fella with a parrot. And this parrot swears like a sailor, I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself. Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy.

    One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT!" But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever.

    Then the guy gets mad and says, "That's it!" and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet...

  • Stupid Scientist

    There was this “not too bright” scientist doing a study on how frogs respond to commands. He tells a frog to jump. The frog jumps 30 feet. He writes in his log book – frog jumps 30 feet. Then he cuts off one leg. He...