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How do you know you’re too drunk to drive?

When you swerve to miss a tree and realize its the air freshener hanging from the mirror.

Read to the end to discover how you can get 300 Chicken recipes (including this one) for only $2.

Ingredients:

• 2 1/2 lb. chicken wings with tips removed
• 1/3 cup Crisco
• 1/3 cup vinegar
• 1/2 cup firmly packed dark brown sugar
• 1 (12 oz.) can unsweetened pineapple juice
• 3/4 cup catsup
• 1 tbsp. soy sauce
• 1 tsp. prepared mustard
• 1/8 tsp. salt (optional)

Preparation:

Brown wings in hot Crisco, adding more, if necessary. Remove wings as they brown. Drain drippings from skillet. Add vinegar, sugar, juice, catsup, soy sauce, mustard, and salt to skillet. Bring to boil, stirring occasionally.

Simmer gently about 5 minutes. Add browned chicken wings. Cover skillet. Simmer 15 minutes. Turn wings and cook uncovered 15 minutes longer. Serve with rice. Makes 4 servings.

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One Halloween, a trick-or-treater came to my door dressed as “Rocky” in boxing gloves and satin shorts. Soon after I gave him some goodies, he returned for more.

“Aren’t you the same ‘Rocky’ who left my doorstep a few minutes ago?” I asked.

“Yes,” he replied, “but now I’m the sequel. I’ll be back three more times tonight.”

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she’d like to have for her birthday.

“I’d like to be six again,” she replied, still looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was. Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.

He then took her to a McDonald’s where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake. Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M’s.

What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, “Well Dear, what was it like being six again?”

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.

“I meant my dress size, you idiot!”

The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he’s gonna get it wrong.

Ingredients:

• 2 cups Vanilla Wafer Crumbs
• 6 tb Margarine, melted
• 14 oz Carmels (1 bag)
• 5 oz (1 can) Evaporated Milk
• 1 cup Chopped Pecans, toasted
• 16 oz Cream Cheese, softened
• 1/2 cup Sugar
• 1 ts Vanilla
• 2 Large Eggs
• 1/2 cup Semi-sweet Chocolate Chips, melted

Preparation:

Combine crumbs and margarine, press onto bottom and sides of 9-inch spring-form pan. Bake at 350 degrees F for 10 minutes.

In a 1/2-quart heavy saucepan, melt the carmels with milk over low heat, stirring frequently, until smooth. Pour over crust. Top with pecans.

Combine cream cheese, sugar and vanilla, mixing at medium speed with electric mixer until well blended. Add eggs, one at a time, mixing well after each addition. Blend in the chocolate, pour over pecans. Bake at 350 degrees F for 40 minutes.

Loosen the cake from the rim of the pan; cool before removing rim of the pan. Chill. Garnish with whipped cream, additional chopped nuts and maraschino cherries, if desired.

A blonde goes into a coffee shop and notices there’s a “peel and win” sticker on her coffee cup. She peels it off… and starts screaming, “I’ve won a motor home! I’ve won a motor home!”

“That’s impossible,” says the waitress. “The biggest prize is a free lunch.”

But the blonde keeps screaming, “I’ve won a motor home! I’ve won a motor home!”

Finally, the manager comes over and says to the blonde, “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but you’re mistaken. You couldn’t possibly have won a motor home because we didn’t have that as a prize.”

“No, it’s not a mistake,” said the blonde. “I’ve won a motor home!”

She hands the sticker to the manager and HE reads…

WIN A BAGEL