A little bit of humor to brighten your day!
If you aren't falling out of your chair from laughter, I need to work harder. Feel free to use the Contact page to let us know how we're doing.
Three Brothers
Three brothers left home and went out to make their fortunes. When they got back together, they compared the presents they were able to give their elderly mother.
The first said, ...more
And Then The Fight Started
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What's on TV?"
I said, "Dust."
And then the fight started...
Computer Argument
Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on the computer. They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was tired of hearing all the bickering.
Finally fed up, God said, "THAT'S IT! ...more
Friendships
Friendship among Women
- A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning ...more
Male or Female?
You might not have known this, but a lot of non -living objects are actually either male or female. Here are some examples:
FREEZER BAGS
- They are male
Firewood
"Hello, is this the FBI?"
"Yes. What do you want?"
Cow Pasture
A foursome was on the last hole. When the last golfer drove off the tee, he hooked into a cow pasture. He advised his friends to play through and he would meet them at the clubhouse. ...more
Fortune Teller
During a recent publicity outing, Jennifer sneaked off to visit a fortune teller of some local repute. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news. ...more
Cab Driver Goes To Heaven
A cab driver reaches the Pearly Gates and announces his presence to St. Peter, who looks him up in his Big Book. Upon reading the entry for the cabby, St. Peter ...more
Redneck On The Jury
A guy was on trial for murder and if convicted, would get the electric chair. His brother found out that a redneck was on the jury ...more
Gonna Jump
An Italian, a Mexican, and a Redneck constuction worker all sat down one day ...more
Vacation Email
It's wise to remember how easily this wonderful technology can be misused, sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences. Consider the case of the Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. ...more
Parrot Filth
So there's this fella with a parrot. And this parrot swears like a sailor, I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself. Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet, conservative type ...more
Blonde Convention
80,000 blondes meet in the Kansas City Chiefs Stadium for a "Blondes Are Not Stupid" Convention.
The leader says ...more
Camping With Sherlock
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they were exhausted and went to sleep.
Some hours later ...more
Thoughts From The Job
My boss came in one morning and caught me hugging my secretary. He said in a rage, "Is this what you get paid for?"
I told him ...more
Short Redneck Jokes
Q: Did you hear about the redneck who passed away and left his entire estate in trust for his beloved widow?
A: ...more
Blonde Detectives
A policeman was interviewing three blondes who wanted to become detectives.
To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he showed the first blonde ...more
The International Council Of Man Laws
- Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
- ...more
Bran Muffins
The couple were 85 years old and had been married for sixty years. Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they watched their pennies.
Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to the wife's insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last decade. One day, their good health didn't help ...moreSleeping Arrangements
A man and a woman who had never met before, but were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy ...more
Two Short Ones
An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut . The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle ...more
Late Night
Flynn staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Mary.
He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself ...more
Scottish Logic
A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing ...more
Easter Jokes
- Where do Easter Bunnies go for new tails?
- To the "retail" store.
- ...more
Possessions
One day, there was a lawyer who had just bought a new car, and he was eager to show it off to his colleagues. All of a sudden, an eighteen wheeler came out of nowhere and took off the driver's side door with him standing right there.
"NOOO!" he screamed, because he knew ...more
Bubba & Cooter's Book of Sure-Fire Pick-up Lines
- Did you fart? Cuz you blew me away.
- ...more
Time Off
I urgently needed a few days off from work, but, I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave. I thought that maybe if I acted "crazy" ...more
Poof
A 90-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back with normal results.
The doctor says, "Chuck, ...more
Fargo
A Norwegian took a trip to Fargo, North Dakota. While in a bar, an Indian on the next stool spoke to the Norwegian in a friendly manner.
"Look," he said, "let's ...more
The Deer Hunter
Two deer hunters were standing on a ridge near a highway in rural Texas on the opening day of deer season. ...more
A Push
A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 a.m. by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for ...more
How to Stop Gossip
Mildred, the church gossip and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members did not approve of her extra-curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.
She made a mistake, however, when ...more
Men Are Just Happier People
What do you expect from such simple creatures?
- Your last name stays put.
- The garage is all yours.
- ...more
Everyone Thinks They're Senile
An Elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired.
Holding hands they walked back to their old school ...more
The Juggler
Paul, an accomplished juggler, was driving to his next performance in Baltimore when he is stopped by the Highway patrol.
"What are these matches ...more
Preach To The Bear
A priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a rabbi ...more
Dinner for Eight
A group of country friends from the Cottonwood Baptist Church wanted to get together on a regular basis to socialize and play games. The lady of the house was to prepare the meal.
When it came time for Al and Janet to be the hosts, ...more
More Ponderings
- Why is it when two planes almost hit each other it is called a "near miss"? Shouldn't it be called a "near hit"?
- ...more
This Potato Family
One night, the Potato family sat down to dinner -- Mother Potato and her three daughters. Midway through the meal, the eldest daughter spoke up. "Mother Potato?" she said. "I have an announcement to make."
"And what might that be?" said Mother, seeing ...more
She's New To Football
A guy took his girlfriend to her first football game. Afterward, he asked her how she liked the game.
"I liked it, but ...more
Don't Lie To Your Boss
Shortly after arriving at work, John ran into his boss in the hallway.
"Do you believe in ...more
Tommy Cooper
Some of you may remember a comic called Tommy Cooper. The following represent a few of his old favorites:
- Two blondes walk into a building... you'd think at least one of them would have seen it.
- ...more
Ponderings
- When they ship styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
- ...more
Optimist and Pessimist
A family had twin boys whose only resemblance to each other was their looks. If one felt it was too hot, the other thought it was too cold. If one said the TV was too loud, the other claimed the volume needed to be turned up ...more
The Lawyer's Death Certificate
A defending attorney was cross-examining a coroner.
The attorney asks, "Before you signed the death certificate had you ...more
Confessional
A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing.
The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention ...more
Good Advice
Taylor was desperate for business and was happy to be appointed by the court to defend an indigent defendant ...more
The Lawyer From Hell
A man died and was taken to his place of eternal torment by the devil ...more
Stupid Scientist
There was this "not too bright" scientist doing a study on how frogs respond to commands.
He tells a frog to jump ...more
The Engineer
A young engineer was leaving the office at 6:00 pm when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder ...more
Little Johnny
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!"
A Tale of Two Prawns
Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea, one called Justin and the other called Christian. The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area.
Finally one day Justin said to Christian, "I'm fed up with being a prawn; I wish I was a shark, and then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten."
The wisdom of Larry the Cable Guy
- A day without sunshine is like night.
- On the other hand, you have different fingers.
- ...more
Deciphering Men's Speech Patterns
- "I can't find it"
- MEANS: It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I am completely clueless.
- "That's women's work"
- MEANS: ...more
Movie Theater Mayhem
A man was sprawled across three entire seats in a theater.
When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry sir, but you're only allowed one seat."
Altered Meanings
Here is the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational, which asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
The winners are:
- Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
- ...more
Blonde Charter
Two bowling teams - one of all blondes and one of all brunettes - charter a double-decker bus for a weekend gambling trip to Louisiana.
Zen Sarcasms
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.
Concerned About Too Many Carbs In Your Diet?
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies. ...more
Elderly Couple
An elderly couple was attending church services.
About halfway through Martha leans over and says to her husband, ...more
25 Reasons I Owe My Mother
- My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
- If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.
- ...more
Luigi's Wife
At Santa Maria's Catholic Church they have a weekly husband's marriage seminar.
At the session last week, the Priest asked Luigi, who was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight ...more
Types of computer viruses
Adam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.
Airline virus: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
Embarrassing Medical Exams
A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" ...more
If You Think You're Dumb
If you think you're dumb when it comes to computers, read this and you'll feel better. ...more
Married 25 Years
Married for 25 years, I took a look at my wife one day. I said, "Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black-and-white TV. ...more
Dictionary For Women
Argument [ahr-gyuh-muhnt] -noun: A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realized it yet.
Airhead [air-hed] -noun: What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.
Understanding Men... A Guide!
Because I'm a man...
- ...when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in. Calling AAA is not an option. I will win.
- ...more
Signs That You Are In America
- A pizza can get to your house faster than an ambulance.
- There are handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
- ...more
Disclaimer
*These are jokes received in emails, etc. There is no intention to violate copyright laws. If you know of anything posted at OrganizedClutter.com that is copyrighted, please use our contact form to let us know. After investigating, we will remove any items that are inappropriate.